Essays and Thoughts

Writing is a form of relaxation.

At the very least, I think that it should be since when I look back I realize it’s been a while since I wrote something for the sole reason of relaxing and just laying back, letting my thoughts come out.

That’s why it’s a rare sight to see me sitting down to write a personal essay instead of the usual short story or the continuation of a scene in a coming novel. I tend to steer away from writing essays, not because I don’t want to or think of any sort of resistance, but because I have been working.

I won’t lie, I love my job; I love writing novels and stories, it’s just that I realize that I haven’t exactly settled down to let go and just think, to relax and let writing be a meditation or some leisurely respite.

And now I sit here, wondering and thinking back to previous ideas or thoughts I had just moments ago before sitting down, thoughts that I thought I wanted to write about and thoughts I thought would be so great to write about but then again, I couldn’t just because I forgot.

But that’s fine.

Though it does bring me to the thought of essays being, well, thoughts, of essays being thoughts that are written out directly, without filter, like a stream of consciousness.

For some, they might disagree and think otherwise, thinking about structure and of the points and ideas and how they would organize it — but, to me, what I prefer in the writing of essays is the progression of thoughts into ideas and how those ideas are slowly, bit by bit, presented, sometimes surfacing amidst a sea of words and sometimes coming out as a sort of peak or triumph after much thought and deliberation, of reflection and inner discussion.

This shows, in my mind, the interesting connection between the thought and the art of the essay; yes, a finely structured and marvelously organized and devised essay is a triumph and much more a victory in the art of its craft, but one must not draw derision at those that are thoughts, that simply come, unfolding bit by bit.

What I like about writing personal essays is how it is a discussion, at the very least, an inner discussion and written account of thought; and of how it is, no matter what, a sort of communication of those ideas and strewn webs of thought to someone, the reader.

To some, it may be therapeutic; the act of releasing one’s inner thoughts.

However, to me, what I like about it the most — about the communication part of it — is how it is the stringing together of a connection, of a shared cord, like a red string of fate thrown out into the emptiness for a person, someone, some fateful hand, to catch it in their grasp.

I know that, no matter what, it is a connection that is being made as I let out these words and thoughts-turned-tangible.

It’s like a shared dream, in a way; like a stream or a passage.

And I am here with you through it, going on thought after thought like it were a conversation, even if it is one-way. In fact, to some, they may be giving out little, short replies in their minds to every thought-provoking sentence; and some may even stop and turn their gaze up from this very essay in order to go ahead and ponder further. Do so, this is our discussion; our conversation; and in a way, it really is a private thing.

It’s like an intimate meeting. And though the material and the words people read here are the same, it will certainly be a different experience; besides, I’m talking about you.

Everyone is different, all special, even if we’re connected by our common humanity.

And no matter what, while writing this, I know at the very least that someone is has caught the cord, that I have strung this connection to someone; that person being myself — through essay writing, I allow myself to connect with myself, my own thoughts, my feelings, and to simply let loose and write out everything that comes to mind.

This is something even you can do, even if it’s not in the form of an essay. All we need is to sit down and let ourselves think, to at least acknowledge all of our thoughts and feelings going on within in, and to let it out in the art we make; even if you’re not an artist, let yourself create art through the exploration of yourself.

Art is a gift, I believe. And it too is something we share. And this is what I share to you.

And for me, writing is my art form, and this essay has been my session of relaxation. I do hope you find yours.

With that, I bid you farewell.

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Fiction writer. Literary author. Japan lover.

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Adam Wan

Adam Wan

Fiction writer. Literary author. Japan lover.

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